Fortitude of Love
by Laura x Tennant
Summary: Something bittersweet; the part-human Doctor's hope and patience when waiting for Rose to be content with their new life. Update - And now, Rose's reply.
1. Chapter 1

**Fortitude of Love**

Before, you knew –

Even though I'd never told you.

I could have told you, _would_ have told you,

But time left us, too soon.

And yes, I should have said it sooner.

Should have said it

Before it became too late

For the Time Lord,

Who ran out of time,

With the girl who he loves.

That's you, by the way.

.

But see, I didn't have your courage,

Because I didn't have your humanity.

It's found me a little, now –

Part-human, after all.

And I know I'm not the one - the one

You came back for; but listen

To the sound

Of this single heart - and_ know_

It's still yours; and the ghost

Of the other, on that empty side

Of my chest:

That's yours too.

.

I sometimes wonder if I'm

Doing this right. Being here,

Being human; it's not as easy as

Saving the Universe.

Doing human things – well,

I mess up. A lot.

And I'm sorry.

But still, I love it - I've got

_You_, after all.

At least, I hope I do,

And I think I must,

Because I still make you smile.

And I still make you laugh.

And I still make you cry.

.

But then sometimes you're just _staring_,

Out of our bedroom window,

Of our flat, that's as small on the inside

As it surely looks from the outside,

With a front door that's blue and

A carpet

That we try to hide

With furniture.

And I look into your eyes,

In your reflection in the glass,

And I think,

That maybe, you might forgive me,

Someday,

For being not-quite-him.

.

So I'll wait for you to feel it,

I'll wait for you to _see:_

I'm him, yes, but I'm _me, _

In every

Way

That matters.

And I'll stand here,

Looking into your reflection,

Into the spirit of the girl

And the woman

I loved,

Still love; will always,

_Always _love

Forever.

.

And I'll stand here,

On the precipice,

Resisting the urge to jump

Until you're ready.

.

And I'll stay here,

On the edge of everything,

Until you love me.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: It's Rose's turn to wax poetic. For some reason, she turned out to have a bit more to say. But well, she is epic, so let's leave her to it:**

**Fortitude of Love**

**Part 2 **

I think you catch me, sometimes,

Staring out of our window

Of our little flat

In our little street

With the noisy, nosy neighbours,

And the streetlamps outside, which would

Light up curtains, if we had them.

And there's that Starbucks on the corner,

Where in your first week here, I took you

To taste the delights

Of Pete's World hot chocolate

(you remarked how much it tasted like

That stuff we had on Denvaak Two,

And I thought to myself:

I _knew_ I wasn't going mad.

Or if I am, I'm taking you with me, now.

So that's not so bad.)

.

It's so strange,

Having you here with me

To share hot chocolate with

And watch the telly with

And adventure and run and laugh with,

And yet knowing you – well, no, _he_ -

Is still so far away.

.

But know this:

You are mine,

And I do love you,

Could never stop

Loving you.

I stood by you when you

Changed before; remember?

When you changed into a

Whole new man.

I think I can manage this.

This little change in species.

.

You're still you, after all,

Just like you were still you

Before.

And I love you, just like I

Still loved you,

Before.

.

It may take time to get used to this.

And that's why I'm scared –

We don't, it seems, have much of time

Left, anymore. You're part-human, now,

And what if _I _lose _you? _Well?

Mortality is something you have to face,

Now you're here, and for the first time,

I truly, _truly _know what fear feels like –

The fear of losing the one you love.

I thought I knew that before. But then,

Back then,

I knew you'd never leave me by choice

And I knew you had a back-up life or three.

.

But now?

One chance.

Having no control over life and death...

And how can I live in ease, knowing that

Your carelessness, your strength, your courage,

May take you from me through sacrifice?

It's not quite my right, but _blimey,_

I hope to the stars that you've lost that need

To put yourself last, and everyone else in front.

Because _I _need _you, _Doctor.

I lived without you just fine, yeah; but I have no,

Absolutely _no _

Desire to do so again.

.

I want to grow old with you.

You've made a promise to me that I can.

Please don't break it.

.

And when I'm staring out of our window,

You may think that I am betraying you,

By wishing I was somewhere else.

Or perhaps you don't condemn me;

Perhaps you think I've every right

To feel let down, and lost, and lonely.

But I've got no right to.

And I don't.

.

I'm not staring up into the sky awaiting his return

(even if I knew he would come,

I would not stand and stare.)

And I'm not wishing on a star to get back up there.

And I'm not watching the rainy day move on

In misery, or despair,

Or boredom.

.

I'm not looking at the traffic jam and dreaming

Of spaceships, and planets, and unimaginable colours

That do not consist of red, amber, green.

I'm not lamenting over times gone by, or

Regretting things we never said, never did –

Did say, did do.

No, Doctor.

.

I'm seeing our reflection.

Our reflection, in the glass.

I tilt my head and watch your eyes –

They follow the movement, and I almost cry.

We look beautiful, I've decided.

Come moonlight or daylight,

Rain or shine –

Our reflections, they are beautiful.

But also, bittersweet.

.

Because you look at me like you love me,

And I know that you do.

And yet you are nervous, frightened,

So scared of what I'm thinking.

As if you think, if you move towards me,

Or let your arms engulf me,

Or let your lips brush my hair aside and

Kiss my neck,

I will flinch from your touch.

How could you think that, of all things?

As if I could ever not want you to hold me.

As if I could ever not want you to kiss me.

As if I could ever not love you.

.

We've been waiting far too long for this –

This chance to be together.

We have it now, but we're dancing around it,

Our love; just like we've always done.

.

It's time to make the leap of faith.

It's time to jump. It's time to fall.

Because I know that we will catch each other:

Every

Single

Time.

.

So, next time you see me standing by

The window of our tiny flat,

Check to see where my eyes are gazing,

And realise that it's you.

And that I need you to reassure me.

And that I need you to just _ask _me

How I am; what I'm thinking.

Because then I can tell you – turn,

And look into your eyes for real – and

_Tell _you:

That the reason that I'm crying,

Is that I'm happy here with you.

And that I really, really want you

To be happy here with me.

.

And then,

Just hold me close.

And never, ever let go.

And never, ever leave.

I love you.


End file.
